Title: His Captain and His Angel 15/22
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Ianto/John
Spoilers: Mild for COE (background information)
Summary: Captain John Hart always gets what he wants.
Disclaimers: I own nothing.
Notes: This is the third in the series of stories about Ianto’s past. It follows Blue Moon’s Child and The Lost Son. I’ll be posting this once a day until it is finished. Special thanks go to czarina_kitty for being such a wonderful Beta. Also thanks to rowanheart24 for helping me brainstorm the original idea. Comments please!
Ianto walked slowly down the corridor towards his Mam’s room. Providence Park didn’t change. It was always clean, with flowers in plastic vases on each window sill. It always smelled of disinfectant. It always had that awkward quiet, except for the confused cries which echoed from some rooms. And his mam was always sitting there in her rocking chair, blissfully ignorant of all the troubles in the world.
Ianto still visited his mam whenever Torchwood’s workload allowed him to. He knew it was his responsibility to look after her. Rhiannon went too but, with two kids, it wasn’t always easy. When she could, she went Sundays after Church. Ianto avoided that time. He avoided the remnants of his family when he could. He felt…awkward around them and he didn’t know why.
He reached his mam’s room and went inside. “Mam?”
She turned and frowned at him. He felt safe. She wouldn’t notice he wasn’t nineteen. He doubted she knew how old he was supposed to be. Mostly, she thought of him as a five year old. He’d got used to that now.
She smiled. “You’ve come to see me.”
He returned her smile. She was having a good day. He needed her to have a good day. He sat on the window seat beside her. “Yeah, I’ve come to see you. How are you?”
She reached out and held his hand. “Oh, they keep bringing me flowers. I don’t like them to take the old ones away but they do. They bring them new each day, even out of season.” She frowned. “But there’s still that smell underneath. They try to get rid of it but they can’t.”
“What smell, mam?”
She looked away. “The sadness. It’s always there. Even when the sun is shining, even when my little ones come to see me. There’s always sadness.”
He held her hand tight. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
She smiled sweetly at him. He noticed her eyes were a little unfocused. “You’re a nice young man. My little boy used to ask me that all the time. Do you know that was his first sentence? ‘Me help mam?’ he said. Fy nghariad. I used to sing to him and he’d put his little head in my lap and just listen. He did help me.”
Ianto swallowed hard. “But not enough. He couldn’t help you enough, mam and that’s why you ended up here, ‘cause…Ianto wouldn’t do as he was told. Then you got hurt and…it was all Ianto’s fault.”
Her eyes focused and she frowned. “Who’s been telling you that?”
“It’s true though, isn’t it?”
Her frown deepened. “No. It’s not true. Ianto’s a good boy. He’d never hurt anybody. Not my little boy.”
“His da blames him.”
She looked away. “That I don’t know about. But he loves our little ones so much, he does,” she said with conviction.
Ianto looked away. “Yeah.” He knew she only knew about the time before. They’d been happy then, before her mind had gone. They’d rubbed along together, like every family. But afterwards, it had all gone wrong. And now, in the present, in 2008, there was nothing Ianto could do about it
Ianto frowned. But he wasn’t in 2008 now. He was in 2002 and his da was still alive. Maybe there was something he could do to fix it. Despite all the confusion and the pain within him, maybe he could fix things or make things just a little bit better.
He reached forwards and kissed his mam’s soft cheek. “Mam, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you soon.”
She placed her hand on his cheek and looked at him. “Your eyes they…hurt so much.”
He swallowed hard and couldn’t speak.
She stroked his hair. “Like my eyes,” she whispered. “They hurt but…there is someone to ease the pain for you, my lovely. There always is somebody.”
“Who is it for you?”
She smiled. “My little ones. My little girl, Rhiannon. Oh, she’d mother a duck, she would. And my little boy, Ianto. He always wants to help and he…seems to know when other people are sad. He makes me happy.”
Ianto felt tears threatening to fall. “I’ve got to go,” he said. He squeezed her hand. “Ianto will come to see you soon.” He pulled himself away from her and left, not looking back.
He shut her door behind him and stopped. He fell against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut and feeling the tears begin to fall. She didn’t know what day it was and yet…she saw inside him. She knew of the hurt and confusion inside him. She knew he was lost.
But she knew there was someone who eased his pain. There was Jack. All he was doing to help ease Ianto’s pain. He was doing so much. He always had. Ianto thought hard. He thought back to the times Jack had done more to ease his pain, the times Jack had even spanked him so that Ianto would feel better. Not many people would do that for someone else.
He straightened and wiped away his tears. There were so many voices inside him. He trusted Jack but there was that voice inside, John’s voice, telling him not to. He had to banish that voice. His past, his present and his future depended on it.