branwen_blaidd (branwen_blaidd) wrote,
branwen_blaidd
branwen_blaidd

Fic- Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Title: Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Pairing: Jack/Ianto

Ratings: Adult- sex, angst.

Spoilers: Series 1 and 2

Summary: Jack is craving what he can’t have.  

Disclaimers: I own nothing

Notes: This is written for, and with the help of, the wonderful, amazing oncomingscone. The song is Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis. Comments make me write more!

 

 

Jack had been sitting at his desk doing nothing for a few hours, just drifting. He thoughts weren’t in the hub. They were somewhere else. He was somewhere else.

“Hey, Jack,” said Ianto, putting his head round the door and giving Jack a smile. “Coffee break? Gwen’s gone for donuts.”

Jack blinked at him. “Oh, erm…” He pushed himself to his feet and grabbed his coat. “No.” He pulled his coat on. “I’m gonna go out.”

Ianto frowned at him. “Oh.” He sounded baffled.

Jack went past him without looking at him. “See you later,” he said and left, feeling Ianto’s worry and confusion as he watched him go.  

Jack didn’t know where he was going. He got in the SUV and drove, just drove. He was driving away from his troubles.

This planet was too small. That was the problem. He couldn’t go far enough. Everything followed him.

And he couldn’t talk about it. He couldn’t let it out. He had to keep it all inside and protect everybody else from it.

He didn’t know how long he drove for but, just as it began to get dark, he found himself in the countryside by fields. There was nothing else but fields and trees for miles.

He got out of the SUV, locked it and climbed over the hedge and into a field. The grass was long and wisped around him as he walked, caressing him. He held out his arms and let the grass tickle his hands.

He stopped and lay down on the ground, letting out a deep sigh and gazing up at the sky. It was darkening around him. He lay still and silent, just watching the sky grow darker and the stars emerge.

He knew the stars. He knew them so well. He’d travelled to them. He’d changed up there amongst those stars. Maybe if he could run to the stars, that would be far enough. Maybe his problems would stay behind on Earth. Maybe he’d be better off up there, with the Doctor, with the one person who will never be ripped away from him. Maybe he should have taken that offer when it was made. If he’d never come back, he wouldn’t be feeling this pain now. He wouldn’t have lost his friends.

He could go now. He could find the Doctor. He could run away from everything. He’d be leaving his friends, leaving Ianto behind. But he wouldn’t have to watch them die. He’d be making the choice to leave them. It would be something he could control.

He didn’t want to have to confront things anymore. He just wanted to run, to explore, to be free. He wanted to be amongst the stars.

He sighed and closed his eyes, listening to the soft sounds of the night around him. Crickets chirped. The odd owl hooted. The grass whispered to him in the breeze.

Suddenly, he became aware of another presence there. He opened his eyes and saw a familiar figure, just standing there, looking at him, like a ghost in the darkness.

“You followed me,” Jack said. He could feel the tension and the snappiness in his own voice but he couldn’t stop it.

Ianto didn’t speak. He didn’t make a sound. He just lay down beside Jack and held his hand. He wasn’t a ghost. He was real. Jack could feel his warmth.

Jack took a deep, slightly wobbly breath and tried not to take comfort in Ianto’s presence. He didn’t want comfort. He just wanted to get away.

Ianto held his hand tightly, stroking his palm with his thumb and just being with him.

Jack lay still and just listened to Ianto’s breathing. It blended into the sounds of the night. His own breathing began to synchronise with Ianto’s until they were just one being lying there beneath the stars.

Jack shifted. He didn’t want Ianto to comfort him. He just wanted to get away. It was all too much.

He felt Ianto glance at him, then heard him take a deep breath and look back up at the sky. An owl hooted.

“The Tawny Owls are out,” Ianto said.

Jack didn’t look at him. “Yeah.”

To-wit, to-woo.

“Did you know that’s two?” Ianto asked.

“What?” Jack snapped.

Ianto wasn’t deterred. “Yeah. They’re calling to each other. The male calls to-wit and the female calls to-woo.”

“Uh huh,” said Jack, wondering why the hell Ianto was telling him all this.

“Hey, Jack, what do confused owls say?”

Jack looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

Ianto knelt up, excitedly. “To-whit, to-why!” He bit his lip. “That’s not a very funny joke, is it?”

Jack looked seriously at him. “Worse than Gwen’s.”

“Yeah,” Ianto sat back on his heels and sighed. “I don’t think owl jokes are my thing.”

“No. Definitely not.”

Ianto gave him a little half smile and there was a compassionate look in his eyes. “How can I help, Jack?”

Jack looked away and didn’t respond.

Ianto took a deep, ever so slightly unsteady breath and stayed sitting on his heels.

Jack still didn’t speak but reached out, found Ianto’s hand and tugged gently. Ianto lay down close to Jack, holding his hand tightly.

Jack turned into Ianto, feeling his warmth. It surrounded him like a blanket, shielding him from the cold of the night, the coldness of the world out there.

Ianto didn’t speak and Jack didn’t need him to. But gently, soothingly, Ianto began to stroke Jack. Just his cheek at first, then his shoulder, then his waist.

Jack turned his face into Ianto’s neck and the smallest sob escaped him. Ianto didn’t mention it, just slid both arms around Jack and held him close. Jack folded into him, vulnerable and small. He needed to be held.

“Need…” whispered Jack.

“Shush,” Ianto soothed, stroking Jack’s hair back from his forehead. “I know.”

They began to move together, slow and gentle. The hitches in Jack’s body were absorbed by Ianto. Jack felt he could let everything go and Ianto would take that burden from him. He was just there with silent comfort.

He held on tight to Ianto’s warmth, letting him wrap him in that blanket of pleasure. They didn’t speak or moan, just held each other and moved slowly against one another, sharing breaths and heat.

Jack began to move faster against Ianto, who was content to just hold him. But Jack’s movements quickly became so fast and needy that suddenly, he was pressing against Ianto in just the right way. In seconds they were both lost in their intense need for one another. 

Mouths clambered together as heat overcame them. Jack buried his face in Ianto’s shoulder, his fingers clutching at him desperately, and gasped his climax into soft skin. Ianto felt his heart fill with affection at Jack’s surrender, as he too tensed and came, holding Jack through their shared release.  

The world was quiet around them but for the rustling of wind in the long grass. Jack allowed himself to sink into Ianto’s embrace, catching his breath, eyes firmly closed. Ianto rubbed his back, kissed him on the top of his head and rocked him as warm contentment spread through them both. 

The quiet surrounded them for a long moment before Jack spoke.

“I feel so trapped,” he whispered.

“By me?” Ianto’s voice was barely a breath.

“No,” said Jack. “By…everything. By…worries. By grief. I can’t run far enough to get away. This planet’s so small.”

Ianto was silent for a moments, absorbing what Jack told him. Jack could hear him thinking.

“I remember how it used to be,” Jack said. “Out there, travelling the stars. We could go anywhere, explore it all, experience everything. It never seemed like enough. I always thought I wanted more, to meet more people, to have somebody special. And now…”

“Now?”

“Now I have someone special and…I still want more.” He pulled back to look at Ianto. “That’s really selfish, isn’t it? To have so much and still want more.”

“No,” whispered Ianto. “It’s not selfish. It’s very human.” He stroked Jack’s hair, then turned slightly to gaze up at the stars.

“You know what I see in your future?”

“Are you a psychic now?”

Ianto gave him a look. “Just listen.”

“Sorry. What do you see?”

“I see you out there. Amongst the stars with somebody special, somebody you love, who loves you. And everybody will know who you are. Everybody in the universe will know you as a hero and they’ll love you. And you’ll be happy.”

“That’s quite a dream.”

Ianto looped his arm around Jack’s waist and held him snugly. “It’ll happen, Jack. You’ll get it all because you deserve it.” He kissed him softly. “I have faith in that because I have faith in you.”

Jack held on tight to Ianto. Ianto stroked his hair and kissed his forehead.

“Hold on,” Ianto murmured, his low voice vibrating through Jack. “Don’t be scared. You’ll never change what’s been and gone.”

Jack turned his face into Ianto’s neck, listening to his whispered comfort, the words of a song Jack knew. He let the song play itself to him in his head. 

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

“Stop crying your heart out,” Ianto whispered, pressing his cheek against Jack’s and cradling him close. “You’ll see them some day.”

Jack held Ianto close to him and kissed him firmly on the cheek. He could feel the concern in Ianto’s body but he knew Ianto would never express it. “Not yet,” he whispered. “Not alone, not this century.”

Ianto didn’t speak, just held Jack a little tighter.   

They lay there in silence, holding each other and gazing up at the stars. The whispering of the long grass was like the soft hush of waves washing over them. Crickets chirped and owls hooted and they felt peaceful.

“Hey, Jack,” whispered Ianto.

“What?”

“What did the naughty little owl do when he got a spanking?”

Jack smiled. “I don’t know. What did the naughty little owl do when he got a spanking.”

Ianto’s breath tickled Jack’s cheek and they both began to giggle in anticipation. Ianto paused dramatically, barely able to get the words out for giggling.

“He went off ‘owling!”

Their giggling filled the air and they were together, holding on.


Hold on
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile (may your smile)
Shine on (shine on)
Don't be scared (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why're you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change
What's been and gone

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

We're all of us stars
We're fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see us some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out

 

 

Tags: angst, fanfic
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